Testimony page

There I am, going through another day of an addicts’ life. Rolling my eyes upwards in the euphoria from my last hit, I’m rudely interrupted by the sight of the 6’ 3”, 204 lb, recently released murderer who swore he would kill me the next time he saw me. Our eyes meet and within a minute we are outside, him trusting a dagger towards my stomach. I stop his forward momentum by grasping his forearm with both my hands just millimeters from my stomach. His jugular is bursting at his neck and forehead from his exertion. A look of bewilderment crosses his face as he says, “You’re a lucky man, I don’t know what is happening but you should be dead”. Of course I now know what was happening and so do you…. God. I did not “see” God interceding for my life that day in-fact I have gone through most of my life not seeing.

            God was not a big topic in my house though we did claim Catholicism as our faith and went to church on Easter Sunday and attended Midnight Mass on Christmas. Since my Mom was always working and dealing with her own challenges I found myself fending for myself early on. From my earliest memories I let circumstances and immediate results determine my state of being. That view of life proved to be my downfall on many occasions. I was walking around with a vial over my spirit. The most baffling thing is that at times I actually thought I was acting in my best interest! Though I have lived blindly in many areas of my life I have to say that selfishness was one of the main ones. After that was my unwillingness to be honest with myself. I was stubbornly happy in lifestyles that were killing me and those dear to me. Often, in moments of clarity, I would catch a glimpse of the inner-me. Those times were always hard because I could see that I needed to change but my lack of knowledge on how to change or the next high would stop me from following through on that inner prompting. I just would not seek the knowledge nor be still long enough for change to happen. Life experiences created by my choices got to the point where I could no longer continue denying that inner voice. It got to the point where all was taken from me, my wife passed away, I can’t go into my own home, my business is in ruins, my family has distance itself from me, I wrecked my car etc.

The Word of God has finally opened my eyes.

 Romans 12:1-3

I beseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable act of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. Amen!!

I now see that I was living my life without taking God seriously. Now, I was not always totally out of control, a lot of the time I was actually living a fairly normal life, but I was continuously living out my will. Did I just suddenly stumble upon a bible and a complete transformation occurred? Of course not, I have known about God and read the Bible a couple of times, hack I even accepted Christ as my Savior in 1984. I just did not agree with many areas of what I was reading and I was not ok with accepting those areas literally.

            At this writing I am blessed to say that now I see. Clarity has been given to me. Of course I am a work in progress for the sanctification process always is. What I am saying is that my view on life is different now. Circumstances don’t define reality. Calvary defines my state of being. The once powerful lies of my own self-talk are but a whisper of what the Word engrafts in my heart, mind and spirit. Selfishness stills props its ugly head but I “see” it and address it appropriately. Walking with God and seeing through His eyes give me the willingness and strength to be honest with myself for there is where the rubber meets the road. Thank you Lord for restoring my Sight.

ROMANS 8 38-39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, Nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

        God’s servant                                                                                                                 Carlos Jacques